if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
