Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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