We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's the barista slut.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
