Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
