so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
