I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
