guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
