So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
