she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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