I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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