I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
