That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
