My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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