so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
