the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
