so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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