Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
