this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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