For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You were trust falling into bushes
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
