its not stalking. its research.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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