He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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