Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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