What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sorry about my life...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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