I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
