She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
