he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
