My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
