she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
