Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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