Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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