I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
