i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
