i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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