her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
