I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
