We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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