Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
