So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
