Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
