You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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