Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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