so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
