On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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