No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am one with the molecules
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
