I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
