Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
