i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
