Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
