It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
