dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
