she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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