What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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