OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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