the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
