I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
