walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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