I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
