Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
