It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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