I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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