I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
