I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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