First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
