tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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