dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
