I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
