apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
