So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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