I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it hurts more in the daytime
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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