xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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