just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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