you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
