Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
