Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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